Monday, April 30, 2007

Battling Burn Out

Why does confidence come and go like this? Ever since Easter I seem to have been battling those bad run demons, and not believing I can do this any more. It was all going so well, then I had a few days off, ate a bit too much, strained some muscles in my legs from walking in the wrong shoes, and the feelgood factor disappeared, just like that.

Never mind that I'm not running that much slower than I was, or that I did a 20 miler last weekend, or that I walked 26.5 miles yesterday. Ignore that, because the only thing my brain is telling me is that this is stupid, and I'm not fit enough to run the whole marathon.

Yesterday's walk brought it home to me just how far it is and, although I managed the distance without any problems, it reminded me that it's a long way if things don't go to plan. It also made my legs a bit sore today, so I have the choice of either run and have a bad one, or don't run and feel like I'm not training hard enough.

I think part of it is just that I'm so tired at the moment. I remember this feeling from last year, and I hate it. It's like every ounce of energy is put into running and training, and there's nothing left for anything else. I sit at my desk struggling to stay awake, and the thing I want to do most is just to curl up and sleep. But I don't feel that I can because I need those miles to be run and logged. The tireder I feel, the harder each run feels. Oh for the chance for a good run on fresh legs.

Thankfully the end is in sight. I have just one long run to go before the taper begins, and I'm considering taking it relatively easy this week to recover from the weekend and make sure that Sunday's run isn't a disaster. It's hard to get a balance between running too much and running too little, but at this stage I'm more interested in keeping my sanity than getting a good time in Edinburgh. I want to feel alive again. So tonight I'm not forcing my tired legs to run, I'm going home, and I'm going to stretch out on the sofa or in bed and doze. Bliss.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

New York New York

On the back there is a "Go For It Matt" car sticker. The website is a bit out of date, but Matt King is a seriously inspirational guy. In April 2004, 17 year old Matt King broke his neck in a rugby accident whilst playing for London Broncos and is now paralysed from the neck down. He's on a ventilator all the time and needs constant care.

There have been various fundraising efforts for him, and in particular, the charity XIII Heroes was set up, which has a broader aim, to support other people injured while playing rugby. I went to a charity event they organised last night, and have been involved in various things they've done in the past.

Matt has made good progress. He's still paralysed, and he still needs the ventilator, but he refuses it to stop him doing things. Now he's been helped by the generosity of others, he is determined to help raise money for other people in his situation. He's studying at university, he's been skiing, and he's completed a half marathon.

In the Great North Run he was the first person in his condition to ever complete the run. It was so unusual that even on the morning of the race the race director was unsure about letting him take part. I believe he might even be the first person on a ventilator to complete any half marathon, or if others have done it, not many of them. Getting him round a half marathon isn't just a case of charging the wheelchair and letting him go, it needs a team of people to clear a path, move water bottles, sort out blockages, and so on. I really wanted to take part, but it was the week after Berlin and I didn't feel like I'd be up to it.

Now Matt wants to go one better. He wants to do a marathon. This is where the problems start. For profile raising for the charity, and fund raising, the bigger the better. However, he's been refused entry to FLM on safety grounds. He's not the only one. I've seen these two guys at races in the past, and they've had the same problem. They've done countless races, halves and marathons, and their times are pretty good. 1:43 for a half marathon pushing a wheelchair, and 4:04 for a marathon doing the same is some achievement. They know what they're doing. But they're not allowed to do FLM. It seems that chairs are only allowed in the wheelchair race, not in the main race. So you can dress 10 people up as a giant caterpillar, but you can't push a wheelchair. So FLM is out.

However, it seems that other marathons might be more accommodating. They want a big one, so they're looking at New York. Now, getting Matt over there would be a serious logistical nightmare, but if anyone can sort it, those guys can. So we have two problems. Getting him accepted for the race, and getting him there. But, and it's still a big but, if we do, then they need runners. More bodies to raise money, but more importantly, to get Matt round.

So it came to pass that at 3.30am, in a hotel bar in Huddersfield, I was asked if I want to run the New York Marathon this year.

You need to ask?

There is one snag. It's two weeks after Amsterdam, which I entered last week. At first I was hesitant. But the more I think about it, the more I think it could work. I'd do Amsterdam for me, and I'd do New York for Matt. Despite the fact that he can get up to 6mph on his chair, in reality the bottles and crowds slow him down a lot, and they're looking at a time over 5:30 (they did GNR in about 2:57). I'm not saying it would be easy to back up, but it would be the sort of race where the important thing is sticking together as a team at the speed of the slowest runner, and putting safety above speed. Finishing it will be the achievement for Matt, not the time.

And I'd be proud to help him. The event last night was for another injured player, who has a back injury and is in constant pain, walking with a stick. Matt said, in all seriousness that he would prefer to be as he is than in Ian's position, because "at least he isn't in pain". That's such a positive outlook on the whole thing, he's determined to make the most of life, do everything he can do, whether people think he can or not, and to give back what he can. How could I not want to help him do a marathon?

So there's still a lot of hurdles to jump, but if he does it, then I'll be there next to him.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

The wibbles

It was all going so well, and then the wibbles struck. One bad run, a couple of injury niggles and a planned reduction in mileage have combined to make me wonder whether this marathon running thing is sensible.

First, the bad run. Last Thursday I got very drunk. On Friday morning I got up, ate some dried apricots and headed straight out for a run. About a mile in my stomach started complaining. Runners trots. I managed to cover another 3 miles or so, with stops every 5 minutes to bend over in pain and wait for the urge to go to the loo to subside. After 4 miles I gave up and walked another 2 home. The moral of this story is simple, the combination of alcohol and eating something with lots of fibre just before a run isn't good. But my mind didn't want to file it away under "things not to do", it wanted to file it under "I can't run, I must be mad thinking I can do this". Oops.

The injury niggles, next. Over the weekend I was in Cologne. I did lots of walking. My shoes weren't bad (Birkenstocks), but they were brand new, and they weren't what I was used to. 7 miles a day of walking in them over 3 days meant that I arrived back home with seriously achey muscles in my legs. The more worrying niggle is my right achilles. It's played up twice now, both times on a Thursday morning after a Wednesday evening club run. Admittedly running to work less than 12 hours after a 7 or 8 mile run doesn't give me a great deal of recovery time, but it's the only time I've been able to fit runs in over the past fortnight. Fingers crossed that next week when I don't need to do that it will be a lot less painful. I can run on it, but I can feel it, and I don't want to make it worse if I can help it.

And finally, reduced mileage. Mum is staying with me, and we went to Cologne at the weekend. When I'm alone I can justify going out for a 3 hour run. When she's here I feel guilty about anything much over an hour, as it's time I feel like I should be spending with her. So I try to fit runs in where I can, with varying degrees of success. I'm still running, but I'm not doing the runs I'd like to do.

So, the wibbles have arrived. However, my last two runs were slightly better (achilles excepted), so hopefully I can get rid of them before I start getting worked up about it.