Battling Burn Out

Why does confidence come and go like this? Ever since Easter I seem to have been battling those bad run demons, and not believing I can do this any more. It was all going so well, then I had a few days off, ate a bit too much, strained some muscles in my legs from walking in the wrong shoes, and the feelgood factor disappeared, just like that.

Never mind that I'm not running that much slower than I was, or that I did a 20 miler last weekend, or that I walked 26.5 miles yesterday. Ignore that, because the only thing my brain is telling me is that this is stupid, and I'm not fit enough to run the whole marathon.

Yesterday's walk brought it home to me just how far it is and, although I managed the distance without any problems, it reminded me that it's a long way if things don't go to plan. It also made my legs a bit sore today, so I have the choice of either run and have a bad one, or don't run and feel like I'm not training hard enough.

I think part of it is just that I'm so tired at the moment. I remember this feeling from last year, and I hate it. It's like every ounce of energy is put into running and training, and there's nothing left for anything else. I sit at my desk struggling to stay awake, and the thing I want to do most is just to curl up and sleep. But I don't feel that I can because I need those miles to be run and logged. The tireder I feel, the harder each run feels. Oh for the chance for a good run on fresh legs.

Thankfully the end is in sight. I have just one long run to go before the taper begins, and I'm considering taking it relatively easy this week to recover from the weekend and make sure that Sunday's run isn't a disaster. It's hard to get a balance between running too much and running too little, but at this stage I'm more interested in keeping my sanity than getting a good time in Edinburgh. I want to feel alive again. So tonight I'm not forcing my tired legs to run, I'm going home, and I'm going to stretch out on the sofa or in bed and doze. Bliss.