Perfectionism
Sometimes I worry whether I push myself too hard. Everything I do I want to do well, to the best of my potential. I don't believe in being average.
So yesterday I went out for my long run. It was planned to be 12 miles, but my route was actually 11.6. Not too far off, and some of my other runs for the week were a bit longer than scheduled so I wasn't going to worry about the extra 0.4. That wasn't the problem. The problem was my lack of motivation for running on the day. I ran the first three miles or so then got to an area I'd never run round before, country footpaths and the like. I had a map with me, which I had to keep on stopping to read, and I also had to keep stopping to negotiate undergrowth, stiles and gates. That kind of disrupted me and I walked a fair bit of the next 6 miles or so. I ran a fair bit too, but my walk breaks were sometimes longer than they needed to be, when my legs were fine and I wasn't out of breath and my heart wasn't racing. I just didn't feel like running. I did run most of the last three miles home (and all of the last one), but I got back and felt like I should have run more of it.
The stupid thing is, I still wasn't that slow. I covered the distance in 2 hours, putting me at about 10:22 minutes per mile. That's the sort of speed I should be doing long runs for a 4 hour ish marathon (although a little slow for 3:45). It was a lot harder route than I normally run, through fields and up and down hills. But I know I could have run better, and I'm down on myself because I didn't. It seems like the last three Sundays have all been difficult runs that I've been disappointed with, the half marathon where I ran out of steam midway through, the 10k in the blazing heat and now a slower than normal long run. Each has its own series of excuses, my trainers were worn out, my trainers were new, my knee hurts, it was hot, I didn't know the route, but I don't want to be making excuses, I want to be running well.
I know that I can get round the marathon. I could probably go out tomorrow and run/walk it. I'd be tired, and undertrained, but I'd get round it eventually. I don't want to just do that though, I want to run it. I'm not necessarily saying I'll run every step (although that's the dream), but I want to have as good a go at it as I can. To do that I need to train, and I need to make myself carry on running when I really want to stop and rest and give up. Not running through injuries or anything stupid like that, but running when my mind tells me that I've done enough and I deserve a rest.
I've also learned a couple more lessons. Importantly, I'm getting to the stage where I need to take more than just water with me. I really need to get myself some energy drinks or gels or jelly babies or something like that. I did at least have a ryvita bar before I set out, but it really wasn't enough and I wonder whether I'd have had more energy if I'd had a sugar hit midway round. Something to try next Sunday. Secondly, getting out into the countryside and exploring new routes is fantastic, and I'm going to go and get some leaflets about other walking routes in Leeds to try. I actually ran on the very southernmost part of the Dales Way, and I'm wondering whether it goes through anywhere nice within my range (not the Dales themselves, but nice countryside before you get that far) as a different route to try for a change. Except it's not quite as fantastic when you start just sightseeing rather than running...
I know that my run wasn't that bad really, and that it will get better, but it's in my nature to always want to push myself that bit harder. It's all very well learning lessons and making my mistakes now, but I want to have at least a couple of good feeling long runs to perk me up a bit. If I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it properly.
I've definitely decided not to run a 10k on Sunday. I wasn't signed up for it (I thought I'd be on holiday anyway), but I could have entered on the day, and it's just down the road from my house. I don't think a 10k is what I need though, I'll just get frustrated about my lack of speed compared to how I was running in April, and it won't do anything to help me build up my endurance. I really don't need another t-shirt and medal, and I would benefit more from a 14 mile run than a 10k plus a mile there and a mile back. I almost certainly wouldn't get close to 47 minutes, and I want a nice solid run rather than something that's going to disrupt the schedule again. I just hope that the 14 miler is a good one, for my sanity if not for my running.
So yesterday I went out for my long run. It was planned to be 12 miles, but my route was actually 11.6. Not too far off, and some of my other runs for the week were a bit longer than scheduled so I wasn't going to worry about the extra 0.4. That wasn't the problem. The problem was my lack of motivation for running on the day. I ran the first three miles or so then got to an area I'd never run round before, country footpaths and the like. I had a map with me, which I had to keep on stopping to read, and I also had to keep stopping to negotiate undergrowth, stiles and gates. That kind of disrupted me and I walked a fair bit of the next 6 miles or so. I ran a fair bit too, but my walk breaks were sometimes longer than they needed to be, when my legs were fine and I wasn't out of breath and my heart wasn't racing. I just didn't feel like running. I did run most of the last three miles home (and all of the last one), but I got back and felt like I should have run more of it.
The stupid thing is, I still wasn't that slow. I covered the distance in 2 hours, putting me at about 10:22 minutes per mile. That's the sort of speed I should be doing long runs for a 4 hour ish marathon (although a little slow for 3:45). It was a lot harder route than I normally run, through fields and up and down hills. But I know I could have run better, and I'm down on myself because I didn't. It seems like the last three Sundays have all been difficult runs that I've been disappointed with, the half marathon where I ran out of steam midway through, the 10k in the blazing heat and now a slower than normal long run. Each has its own series of excuses, my trainers were worn out, my trainers were new, my knee hurts, it was hot, I didn't know the route, but I don't want to be making excuses, I want to be running well.
I know that I can get round the marathon. I could probably go out tomorrow and run/walk it. I'd be tired, and undertrained, but I'd get round it eventually. I don't want to just do that though, I want to run it. I'm not necessarily saying I'll run every step (although that's the dream), but I want to have as good a go at it as I can. To do that I need to train, and I need to make myself carry on running when I really want to stop and rest and give up. Not running through injuries or anything stupid like that, but running when my mind tells me that I've done enough and I deserve a rest.
I've also learned a couple more lessons. Importantly, I'm getting to the stage where I need to take more than just water with me. I really need to get myself some energy drinks or gels or jelly babies or something like that. I did at least have a ryvita bar before I set out, but it really wasn't enough and I wonder whether I'd have had more energy if I'd had a sugar hit midway round. Something to try next Sunday. Secondly, getting out into the countryside and exploring new routes is fantastic, and I'm going to go and get some leaflets about other walking routes in Leeds to try. I actually ran on the very southernmost part of the Dales Way, and I'm wondering whether it goes through anywhere nice within my range (not the Dales themselves, but nice countryside before you get that far) as a different route to try for a change. Except it's not quite as fantastic when you start just sightseeing rather than running...
I know that my run wasn't that bad really, and that it will get better, but it's in my nature to always want to push myself that bit harder. It's all very well learning lessons and making my mistakes now, but I want to have at least a couple of good feeling long runs to perk me up a bit. If I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it properly.
I've definitely decided not to run a 10k on Sunday. I wasn't signed up for it (I thought I'd be on holiday anyway), but I could have entered on the day, and it's just down the road from my house. I don't think a 10k is what I need though, I'll just get frustrated about my lack of speed compared to how I was running in April, and it won't do anything to help me build up my endurance. I really don't need another t-shirt and medal, and I would benefit more from a 14 mile run than a 10k plus a mile there and a mile back. I almost certainly wouldn't get close to 47 minutes, and I want a nice solid run rather than something that's going to disrupt the schedule again. I just hope that the 14 miler is a good one, for my sanity if not for my running.
posted by YP at 8:20 PM
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